Despite the great weather, I'm still the same old grumpy shithead

This isn’t exactly how I wanted to be

My days as a “teen” are counting down as we speak... I am indeed doomed.
I will turn 20 in 7 days and I am scared. Scared like a kid who's waiting for his appointment at the dentist - it’s inevitable, but you would desperately hope for some way to escape the imminent pain. A natural disaster, perhaps, that will demolish the dentist on the day of the appointment.

I reflect on what I’ve said and written previously, and I am embarrassed and ashamed of myself. Some of the stuffs I’ve put up on this blog are barely coherent and my speech and actions have not been in unison. I try to tell myself that that’s how people are, and I shouldn’t be blaming myself. Meanwhile, as subtle and weak as it may be, my daimonion’s voice is ever present inside my head, constantly warning me not to be weak.

“Show no mercy to yourself, self pity is an indulgence that you cannot afford.”

I feel like I have achieved nothing so far. I don't think I have actually achieved anything... I must do something radical, something that will make me famous, or infamous. Before it’s too late, before I fall into a downward spiral of guilt and disappointment towards myself...

But there are so many restrictions and boundaries in life, at least in mine… Something needs to be done...